I've been somewhat busy lately. Had a few request for some lawn decorations. I mostly make them out of plywood...cut out the pattern, prime, paint and they're ready for display. Mostly my neighbors are wanting them so I don't charge much...a few bucks over my cost is all. Don't like to make a big profit from my neighbors...you do for each other is the way I see it. Folks do want some crazy stuff it decorate their lawn with though. Evil looking little gnomes peeing on cute little squirrels, guns with a warning sign to "beware of owner" and mischievous kids with a sign saying "Beware Of Kids".
Folks down south have a different way of expressing their opinion which is fine with me, just it's different then what I'm use to up north.
Anyway, cost of meds has made me miss some doses which is always a bad thing! For the first time since I've moved down south, I was unable to make it to the local store to buy a few things. It hurt...alot. I've been scared of even trying to go now in fear of not being able to make it and suffering that hurt again. I know I'll kick myself and just go and do it but in the meantime I've been beating myself up over the one failed attempt. I know better then to do that, but fortunately, I'll get over it shortly and be back to normal.
I must find a suitable drug program so I can get back on my meds regularly and not worry about cost. It can be extremely frustrating but worth it if in the end I can get on a program I can afford. Until then, I must do my best and try not to worry too much about it. As a matter of fact, I think I'll make an attempt to go to the store today. Just get a few things to prove to myself that I just had alittle glitch and I can still make it to the store without too much anxiety.
In the meantime, I'll keep trying to make my lawn decorations and sell them to make a few bucks, helps pay for the meds anyway. Also, it feels good to EARN some money while I wait for that monthly check from social security. I'll never feel good about getting a check that I didn't work for...it's not like winning the lottery or a sweepstakes...collecting a check from the government has never sat well with me. Anyway, it's just nice to earn some cash on my own.
Whew!!! I really felt a rant coming on there for a moment going on about getting a check over earning a check...I suppose one of these days I'll jump on my soap box and give an all out rant on the topic, but today I must go work on a few more lawn decorations. That is a good thing.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Nuttin Much
So haven't really been doing too much lately. Been doing so wood carving, but I goofed big time!! I noticed my tools were pretty dull and so I tried to sharpen them myself. Bad, bad idea! I used my dremel which apparently is like trying to sharpen them by through them against a brick wall. So, they are duller then I started out with and completely useless to me now. We didn't I just call my dad and ask him before I did it? Was it my pride, independence? No, it was simply lazy, stupidity.
Fortunately, dad will rescue me from myself and even try to fix the wrong I've done. Assuming I have not completely destroyed my tools, he is going to send me a Lansky sharpener. He has not ever used it by says he knows people who swear by the sharpener. I watched a video online on how to use the Lansky sharpener and it seems to be idiot-proof. Which means there is a slight chance I'll be able to figure it out.
Now don't think I'm putting myself down or being to hard on myself. I consider myself lucky that I'm able to laugh at myself and recognize my faults and mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Although I must admit sometimes I make the same mistake more then once, but I do eventually figure it out. So, this may be a costly mistake if I did in fact ruin my tools as I attempted to sharpen almost all of them. I reckon my chisels will survive my blunder but I'm not so sure about my knife set. I can barely afford my medication every month so I can ill afford a new knife set. I am very disappointed to say the least.
Anyway, my little slice of haven here in NC was spared the awful twisters that devastated other parts of this beautiful state. While I was outside cooking on the grill, other parts of NC, some as close as ten minutes from me, were getting completely destroyed by tornados, ripping apart homes and killing people. I'm very sadden by this and so wish I could help those who were hurt by the storms. I seriously doubt we will see any telethons trying raise money for those who lost so very much. Although I must say Red Cross and FEMA were on the scene immediately to start helping folks. You never give much thought (donations) to those organizations until you need...depend on them. I for one will donate whatever I can spare because I am certainly guilty hearing their pleas for donations but not listening to them. Shame on me. I don't say that lightly, I truly feel terrible that I've not made any donation to such organizations that are such life savers to so many people.
Well, enough of my pity bambling, I'm off to finish my house chores. Although I much rather be carving!!
Fortunately, dad will rescue me from myself and even try to fix the wrong I've done. Assuming I have not completely destroyed my tools, he is going to send me a Lansky sharpener. He has not ever used it by says he knows people who swear by the sharpener. I watched a video online on how to use the Lansky sharpener and it seems to be idiot-proof. Which means there is a slight chance I'll be able to figure it out.
Now don't think I'm putting myself down or being to hard on myself. I consider myself lucky that I'm able to laugh at myself and recognize my faults and mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Although I must admit sometimes I make the same mistake more then once, but I do eventually figure it out. So, this may be a costly mistake if I did in fact ruin my tools as I attempted to sharpen almost all of them. I reckon my chisels will survive my blunder but I'm not so sure about my knife set. I can barely afford my medication every month so I can ill afford a new knife set. I am very disappointed to say the least.
Anyway, my little slice of haven here in NC was spared the awful twisters that devastated other parts of this beautiful state. While I was outside cooking on the grill, other parts of NC, some as close as ten minutes from me, were getting completely destroyed by tornados, ripping apart homes and killing people. I'm very sadden by this and so wish I could help those who were hurt by the storms. I seriously doubt we will see any telethons trying raise money for those who lost so very much. Although I must say Red Cross and FEMA were on the scene immediately to start helping folks. You never give much thought (donations) to those organizations until you need...depend on them. I for one will donate whatever I can spare because I am certainly guilty hearing their pleas for donations but not listening to them. Shame on me. I don't say that lightly, I truly feel terrible that I've not made any donation to such organizations that are such life savers to so many people.
Well, enough of my pity bambling, I'm off to finish my house chores. Although I much rather be carving!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Nothing So Boring As Agoraphobia
Keeping track of my daily activities, I find that my live is really quite boring. I read ALOT, watch very little T.V., I play with my dogs and take them outside to romp around the yard and I eat. I spend the least amount of time eating and watching T.V. and most of the time reading and playing with my dogs.
So, how to add alittle heart racing activity into my life? NOOO!!! Don't say it!!!! I must... I should be challenging my "safe zone". Get out and try facing my fear! Practice my slow, controlled breathing. That's what I should be doing and there is not one reason for not doing these things!!! No excuse for not making it a daily practice to go out alittle further everyday. Make the brain learn the difference between fake fear and the real thing. It will only learn this through constant exposure to the fake fear. No magic pill is going to make the brain learn this, only I can teach my brain to see the fears that are fake.
Sure, there are drugs that can help calm the brain a bit during these lessons but ultimately the brain must experience the fear and recognize that it's nothing but an illusion, misinterpretation of reality. Whether the fear was learned as a child or through some terrible experience, the brain must be made to realize that there is actually little to fear in the daily life of the average person. Sure there are dangers in the world but those are probably not the dangers the brain is worried about with agoraphobics.
My biggest enemy is my "fight or flight response system". It's my nemesis, it taunts me. The fight or flight response which is there to protect me from danger has turned against me. It perceives me as the danger, my mind, my thoughts are what is dangerous to me. Sure my fight or flight response works when say I'm faced with perhaps a mean stray dog, turns on the adrenaline, but it's not the all out fight or flight response I get when simply trying to go to the store.
People without a true phobia simply can not understand or appreciate the level of fear experienced by phobics or the difficulty in teaching the natural human response, the fight or flight system to work the way it should, for us not against us. They can't appreciate something they can't see...it's not a heart or lung, an organ that can be held and dissected. Yeah, you can dissect the brain but there won't be a fight or flight system they can grasp onto and see the abnormality.
Anyway, how do I fight against a natural human response that has developed throughout the history of human life? How do I teach it to work for me instead of against me? Guess it goes back to teaching the brain to recognize fake fears.
So, how to add alittle heart racing activity into my life? NOOO!!! Don't say it!!!! I must... I should be challenging my "safe zone". Get out and try facing my fear! Practice my slow, controlled breathing. That's what I should be doing and there is not one reason for not doing these things!!! No excuse for not making it a daily practice to go out alittle further everyday. Make the brain learn the difference between fake fear and the real thing. It will only learn this through constant exposure to the fake fear. No magic pill is going to make the brain learn this, only I can teach my brain to see the fears that are fake.
Sure, there are drugs that can help calm the brain a bit during these lessons but ultimately the brain must experience the fear and recognize that it's nothing but an illusion, misinterpretation of reality. Whether the fear was learned as a child or through some terrible experience, the brain must be made to realize that there is actually little to fear in the daily life of the average person. Sure there are dangers in the world but those are probably not the dangers the brain is worried about with agoraphobics.
My biggest enemy is my "fight or flight response system". It's my nemesis, it taunts me. The fight or flight response which is there to protect me from danger has turned against me. It perceives me as the danger, my mind, my thoughts are what is dangerous to me. Sure my fight or flight response works when say I'm faced with perhaps a mean stray dog, turns on the adrenaline, but it's not the all out fight or flight response I get when simply trying to go to the store.
People without a true phobia simply can not understand or appreciate the level of fear experienced by phobics or the difficulty in teaching the natural human response, the fight or flight system to work the way it should, for us not against us. They can't appreciate something they can't see...it's not a heart or lung, an organ that can be held and dissected. Yeah, you can dissect the brain but there won't be a fight or flight system they can grasp onto and see the abnormality.
Anyway, how do I fight against a natural human response that has developed throughout the history of human life? How do I teach it to work for me instead of against me? Guess it goes back to teaching the brain to recognize fake fears.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Off Topic Rant
I'm going completely off topic here for a moment. I seriously need to vent about uncaring pet owners. Pets bring such great pleasures to people's lives and I simply don't understand why some people get pets so they can ignore them. If you don't want to clean up after an animal, walk it daily, groom it weekly, feed it daily, take it to the vet for check ups and shots they don't get a pet! If your not willing to do even just one of those things then you shouldn't own a pet. Simply as that!
Folks like my neighbor who get a beautiful puppy, I suppose for their 5 kids to play with, is a perfect example of someone who shouldn't own a pet. As if 5 young kids isn't enough to take care of, they get a puppy. The puppy was probably cute for a few days and like the other toys they get bored of, get discarded away in the yard. So, here's this little puppy, no collar, not tied up, just roaming around the yard trying to keep itself amused.
The puppy seems well fed, but there is more then just feeding needed for a animal to develop into a loving, happy pet. So, as the puppy gets alittle older it inevitably starts to wonder into the neighbor's yards. Neighbors who have their own dogs either tied up or behind fences. Me...I don't have a fenced in yard and I don't tie my dogs out. They are small dogs and I like to spend time with them outside. I take my dogs, off leash into my yard so they can run around and play and do their business. Puppy sees some new playmates and wonders over to play. The puppy being at least double the size of my adult dogs were a bit scared but got use to the puppy and they play for awhile. But, my dogs need their own time to tend to their business and they can't do that with a puppy jumping on them and constantly wanting to play. Mend you, I understand the puppy's need for socializing and playing with other dogs and people...I totally get that. But, ulitmately it's not my dog to tend to and it's not my responsibility to take care of this puppy.
I've never said anything to the small children in regards to the puppy being at my house all the time but I guess the kids don't want the puppy playing with my dogs or maybe the parents told them to keep the puppy in the yard. Of course no one told the kids how to keep the dog in their own yard so the do what kids do. They put a kitty collar on the puppy which I ended up cutting off because it was strangling the pup. I honestly don't know how they even got this collar on the dog...it was insane tight. So, the next day, I guess the kids found a rusty chain in a swamp (at least that's what it smelled like) and tied that around the dogs next. Now this chain was all of maybe 4 feet long. The kids tied it to a tree branch which gave this puppy just enough room to sit but nothing else. Of course the next day when the puppy came running into my yard to play with my dogs dragging this nasty chain around it's neck, I once again removed it and threw it away.
The last straw for me was two or three days later, when these small kids, oldest one not being more then maybe 8 years old, were all outside playing and again the puppy came running to my house to play with my dogs. They tried calling the puppy which didn't work. After my dogs finished their business, I put them back in the house. The kids got the puppy, tied a short rope around it's neck and then tied it to the highest branch they could reach. They then repeatedly kicked the puppy and punched it in the head. This I could not take, I would not take.
After finding out that animal control had no officers working on weekends, and a police department that consists of a total of three officers, which none were currently on duty, I called the sheriff's department. The sheriff found that the two feet of rope was all the puppy really needed to get by and the kids being home alone wasn't a real concern, so he left, doing nothing to aid the puppy or the kids for that matter.
I am disgusted beyond belief!!!! How can two feet of rope, which doesn't allow enough for the puppy to lie down, no shelter and no water bowl be consider sufficent? Despite my hopes and prayers that the sheriff would be a loving pet owner himself didn't happen, I would have hoped that an educated person would see the situtation for what it was and clarify to these kids what they were doing wrong. This didn't happen, so I guess my only hope for this puppy is to wait until Monday for animal control to open and see if they can help these pup.
For now, I can only hope that I might find one of those underground groups that aids abused women and children except the do it for animals. Come in the dark of night and snatch up poor unloved, mistreated animals and find loving homes for them. While unwanted, abused animals is an epidemic in this country, I suspected finding such an organization that removes animals from their tormentors my not exist beyond the local animal control.
Well, instead of feeling better after my rant, I actually feel worse. I guess for the time being, all I can do is offer the puppy (which by the way, the kids have yet to name) alittle love and a treat no and then. What more can I do? I truly feel helpless.
Folks like my neighbor who get a beautiful puppy, I suppose for their 5 kids to play with, is a perfect example of someone who shouldn't own a pet. As if 5 young kids isn't enough to take care of, they get a puppy. The puppy was probably cute for a few days and like the other toys they get bored of, get discarded away in the yard. So, here's this little puppy, no collar, not tied up, just roaming around the yard trying to keep itself amused.
The puppy seems well fed, but there is more then just feeding needed for a animal to develop into a loving, happy pet. So, as the puppy gets alittle older it inevitably starts to wonder into the neighbor's yards. Neighbors who have their own dogs either tied up or behind fences. Me...I don't have a fenced in yard and I don't tie my dogs out. They are small dogs and I like to spend time with them outside. I take my dogs, off leash into my yard so they can run around and play and do their business. Puppy sees some new playmates and wonders over to play. The puppy being at least double the size of my adult dogs were a bit scared but got use to the puppy and they play for awhile. But, my dogs need their own time to tend to their business and they can't do that with a puppy jumping on them and constantly wanting to play. Mend you, I understand the puppy's need for socializing and playing with other dogs and people...I totally get that. But, ulitmately it's not my dog to tend to and it's not my responsibility to take care of this puppy.
I've never said anything to the small children in regards to the puppy being at my house all the time but I guess the kids don't want the puppy playing with my dogs or maybe the parents told them to keep the puppy in the yard. Of course no one told the kids how to keep the dog in their own yard so the do what kids do. They put a kitty collar on the puppy which I ended up cutting off because it was strangling the pup. I honestly don't know how they even got this collar on the dog...it was insane tight. So, the next day, I guess the kids found a rusty chain in a swamp (at least that's what it smelled like) and tied that around the dogs next. Now this chain was all of maybe 4 feet long. The kids tied it to a tree branch which gave this puppy just enough room to sit but nothing else. Of course the next day when the puppy came running into my yard to play with my dogs dragging this nasty chain around it's neck, I once again removed it and threw it away.
The last straw for me was two or three days later, when these small kids, oldest one not being more then maybe 8 years old, were all outside playing and again the puppy came running to my house to play with my dogs. They tried calling the puppy which didn't work. After my dogs finished their business, I put them back in the house. The kids got the puppy, tied a short rope around it's neck and then tied it to the highest branch they could reach. They then repeatedly kicked the puppy and punched it in the head. This I could not take, I would not take.
After finding out that animal control had no officers working on weekends, and a police department that consists of a total of three officers, which none were currently on duty, I called the sheriff's department. The sheriff found that the two feet of rope was all the puppy really needed to get by and the kids being home alone wasn't a real concern, so he left, doing nothing to aid the puppy or the kids for that matter.
I am disgusted beyond belief!!!! How can two feet of rope, which doesn't allow enough for the puppy to lie down, no shelter and no water bowl be consider sufficent? Despite my hopes and prayers that the sheriff would be a loving pet owner himself didn't happen, I would have hoped that an educated person would see the situtation for what it was and clarify to these kids what they were doing wrong. This didn't happen, so I guess my only hope for this puppy is to wait until Monday for animal control to open and see if they can help these pup.
For now, I can only hope that I might find one of those underground groups that aids abused women and children except the do it for animals. Come in the dark of night and snatch up poor unloved, mistreated animals and find loving homes for them. While unwanted, abused animals is an epidemic in this country, I suspected finding such an organization that removes animals from their tormentors my not exist beyond the local animal control.
Well, instead of feeling better after my rant, I actually feel worse. I guess for the time being, all I can do is offer the puppy (which by the way, the kids have yet to name) alittle love and a treat no and then. What more can I do? I truly feel helpless.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Better In Time For The Good Weather
Yes, yes...my cold is finally gone. Hooray! The weather is absolutely beautiful...high 80s and lovin every bit of it. I hear that the northeast got some snow or at least flurries. So, you wonder if I miss the northeast, my old neighborhood? Not one bit!!! I'll have my deck by the end of next month, my outdoor fireplace (portable fireplace?) and next the pool. Life is good.
Not that I'm trying to make my housebound too good to leave but a few hard earned luxeries (regardless of how small) is just a way to enjoy life despite my situtation. Be happy and focus on the good stuff is a step in the direction of recovery, right? I will not dwell on life's drama, hardships and annoyances, but bathe in the little things that give me pleasure.
OK...my life is not peaches and cream, I get pissed, frustrated, annoyed, sad and bored, but I do my very best to give as little energy as possible to those irks. I rarely stay pissed off at anyone or anything for more the ten minutes. I've learned to walk away when I get frustrated while working on a project, whatever it might be. Best way to ruin something your working on is by working on it when you get frustrated. Walk away. I try to recognize boredom and or sadness as soon as possible to force myself to divert my attention to something else. Brush the dogs or play with them, clean something, read, anything to direct my energy somewhere else.
Forcing myself to do things I don't want to deal with might seem like a bad thing for me to do. I mean dealing with my fears is something I don't want to do, don't want to face but in the end facing these fears will ulitmately feel really good, a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of being normal...and normal is a good thing, at least for me it is.
So, having something to look forward to, without any anxiety is totally awesome. I look forward to my new deck. I'll invite neighbors over for a BBQ, talk shit and have some real good times. Maybe get some friends from the northeast to come for a visit and have a real blast. Hell, I might even invite some relatives over for some outstanding barbeque and probably have a good time. If not, then at least I know that they'll go home and I'll still have my deck, my dogs, my outdoor fireplace and a good book.
I'm out!
Not that I'm trying to make my housebound too good to leave but a few hard earned luxeries (regardless of how small) is just a way to enjoy life despite my situtation. Be happy and focus on the good stuff is a step in the direction of recovery, right? I will not dwell on life's drama, hardships and annoyances, but bathe in the little things that give me pleasure.
OK...my life is not peaches and cream, I get pissed, frustrated, annoyed, sad and bored, but I do my very best to give as little energy as possible to those irks. I rarely stay pissed off at anyone or anything for more the ten minutes. I've learned to walk away when I get frustrated while working on a project, whatever it might be. Best way to ruin something your working on is by working on it when you get frustrated. Walk away. I try to recognize boredom and or sadness as soon as possible to force myself to divert my attention to something else. Brush the dogs or play with them, clean something, read, anything to direct my energy somewhere else.
Forcing myself to do things I don't want to deal with might seem like a bad thing for me to do. I mean dealing with my fears is something I don't want to do, don't want to face but in the end facing these fears will ulitmately feel really good, a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of being normal...and normal is a good thing, at least for me it is.
So, having something to look forward to, without any anxiety is totally awesome. I look forward to my new deck. I'll invite neighbors over for a BBQ, talk shit and have some real good times. Maybe get some friends from the northeast to come for a visit and have a real blast. Hell, I might even invite some relatives over for some outstanding barbeque and probably have a good time. If not, then at least I know that they'll go home and I'll still have my deck, my dogs, my outdoor fireplace and a good book.
I'm out!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Cold Continues
Yup, still have my cold...sux. I've been reading more then usual being that I'm spending so much time in bed. I just love a good horror book. Don't have any special author I like over others, but I do tend to read alot of the same authors because of the genre I like to read. I want to be scared to death, afraid to sleep, afraid to turn off the lights, afraid of every little sound in the dark.
If your thinking that I'm this goth kind of dark person....I'm not. Not that there is anything wrong with those folks who are into the whole dark, goth kind of look...just not for me. I'm also not into the gore factor. Gore doesn't make a story scary! I so wish filmmakers would understand that. Gore can certainly be part of the story, but it will never be a cause to scare me.
You might think that one with a phobia such as myself would not like being scared. Not true. It's the "kind" of scare that I don't like. Like... I would be scared if I was being stalked by some creepy serial killer, but I wouldn't if I was reading a book where that was part of the story.
What scares me about agoraphobia, going outside my comfort zone? Guess, I'm like everyone else with agoraphobia, afraid of panic attacks. My shrink would love to take that reason further. What is it about panic attacks that make you scared? The feelings my body and mind experience during a panic attack scare me. Well, what do you feel that is scary? Feeling like I'm going to faint, piss myself, throw up, pounding heart, muscles so tight they tremble from the adrenaline. What will happen if you faint, piss yourself, throw up, your heart pounds, your muscles tremble? UGH!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, yes I get the whole cognitive behavior therapy shit and I get the whole desensitizing shit....I get it! That doesn't make it any less fearful or easier. And it doesn't make it any less fearful knowing that it's not a rational fear. "I know," says the shrink. No they don't!
Don't get me wrong, I know what they say and the treatment they use is successful for most folks with the same problem. I understand my body is reacting normally when it thinks there is danger even when there isn't any danger. My mind perceives danger which triggers my body to react. I understand all that. Despite my experience and education on the matter, I still can't get my brain to stop reacting to a false danger. Frustrating! There are different tricks we agoraphobics use to get through these episodes, but soon the brain realizes the trick and you have to find a new way to distract yourself from the fear. Funny, the brain knows when it's being tricked into holding off a panic attack, even if for only a brief time, but yet the brain doesn't recognize a false danger. Again...frustrating!!
I suppose the only proven way of getting the brain to recognize a false danger is desensitizing it by constantly challegning the false fear. Face your fear. Blah, blah, blah.
Perhaps I'll just read a good book instead.
If your thinking that I'm this goth kind of dark person....I'm not. Not that there is anything wrong with those folks who are into the whole dark, goth kind of look...just not for me. I'm also not into the gore factor. Gore doesn't make a story scary! I so wish filmmakers would understand that. Gore can certainly be part of the story, but it will never be a cause to scare me.
You might think that one with a phobia such as myself would not like being scared. Not true. It's the "kind" of scare that I don't like. Like... I would be scared if I was being stalked by some creepy serial killer, but I wouldn't if I was reading a book where that was part of the story.
What scares me about agoraphobia, going outside my comfort zone? Guess, I'm like everyone else with agoraphobia, afraid of panic attacks. My shrink would love to take that reason further. What is it about panic attacks that make you scared? The feelings my body and mind experience during a panic attack scare me. Well, what do you feel that is scary? Feeling like I'm going to faint, piss myself, throw up, pounding heart, muscles so tight they tremble from the adrenaline. What will happen if you faint, piss yourself, throw up, your heart pounds, your muscles tremble? UGH!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, yes I get the whole cognitive behavior therapy shit and I get the whole desensitizing shit....I get it! That doesn't make it any less fearful or easier. And it doesn't make it any less fearful knowing that it's not a rational fear. "I know," says the shrink. No they don't!
Don't get me wrong, I know what they say and the treatment they use is successful for most folks with the same problem. I understand my body is reacting normally when it thinks there is danger even when there isn't any danger. My mind perceives danger which triggers my body to react. I understand all that. Despite my experience and education on the matter, I still can't get my brain to stop reacting to a false danger. Frustrating! There are different tricks we agoraphobics use to get through these episodes, but soon the brain realizes the trick and you have to find a new way to distract yourself from the fear. Funny, the brain knows when it's being tricked into holding off a panic attack, even if for only a brief time, but yet the brain doesn't recognize a false danger. Again...frustrating!!
I suppose the only proven way of getting the brain to recognize a false danger is desensitizing it by constantly challegning the false fear. Face your fear. Blah, blah, blah.
Perhaps I'll just read a good book instead.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Sick As A Dog
So...here's the deal...I have a wicked cold. OK...I admit it, I'm a bit of a whining baby when it comes to being sick. Runny nose, sore throat, fever....blah, blah, blah! I suppose the reason I hate having a cold so much is that sometimes the symptoms kind seem alot like the symptoms I have during an anxiety/panic attack. I'm also very freaked about mixing meds. So, taking OTC drugs for my cold and taking my effexor is scary for me. Some how I think that there will be a bad reaction of the meds mixing together and something terrible will happen to me. OOPS!! Isn't that the same thing I'm afraid will happen if I go too far outside of my comfort zone? Well, there you have it!!
I do tend to make a catastrophe (had to look that word up) out of things. I do have an art out of making mole hills into mountains...quite colorfully too. But don't mistake that for drama, because that I hate. Got enough mess to deal with and just don't need the headache of drama.
Anyway, in deal with my (not so) wicked cold, I try to drink gallons of water and as little OTC meds as possible to get over the cold. One thing about a cold that seems to be worst for me is not being able to breath out of my nose. Problem with that is I practice deep, slow breathing to help calm myself and the way I do that is through my nose. My brain thinks if I can't breath through my nose then I can't do my deep, relaxation breathing to calm down. If I can't breath right and can't calm down, I'll have a panic attack and the world will explode!! AHHHHHHH!!!! OK, I made up that last part but I do get pretty anxious when I have a stuffy nose so, I just use some nose spray which helps me breath easier through my nose. Sometimes, just KNOWING I can reach for the nose spray is enough to keep the anxiety at bay.
So, I am off to go back under the covers and continue a book I start reading and have another cup of coffee. Hot liquids is good for a cold right? Coffee is hot and a liquid...right? Doctor says to drink tea. I hate tea. I compare drinking tea to eating raw cow brain. Is that me making a mountain out of a mole hill? I didn't think so.
I'm out.
I do tend to make a catastrophe (had to look that word up) out of things. I do have an art out of making mole hills into mountains...quite colorfully too. But don't mistake that for drama, because that I hate. Got enough mess to deal with and just don't need the headache of drama.
Anyway, in deal with my (not so) wicked cold, I try to drink gallons of water and as little OTC meds as possible to get over the cold. One thing about a cold that seems to be worst for me is not being able to breath out of my nose. Problem with that is I practice deep, slow breathing to help calm myself and the way I do that is through my nose. My brain thinks if I can't breath through my nose then I can't do my deep, relaxation breathing to calm down. If I can't breath right and can't calm down, I'll have a panic attack and the world will explode!! AHHHHHHH!!!! OK, I made up that last part but I do get pretty anxious when I have a stuffy nose so, I just use some nose spray which helps me breath easier through my nose. Sometimes, just KNOWING I can reach for the nose spray is enough to keep the anxiety at bay.
So, I am off to go back under the covers and continue a book I start reading and have another cup of coffee. Hot liquids is good for a cold right? Coffee is hot and a liquid...right? Doctor says to drink tea. I hate tea. I compare drinking tea to eating raw cow brain. Is that me making a mountain out of a mole hill? I didn't think so.
I'm out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)