And So A New Year Begins

Another year, another set of resolutions and another year of not keeping those resolutions.  I never really was one for the whole resolution thing, at least not openly to other people.  Even the resolutions I kept to myself, I never really made any real attempt to keep.  Eat healthier, quit smoking, cut back to one pot of coffee a day and all those other bullshit promises folks make to feel better.  Anyway, I still eat junk food, smoke, drink way too much coffee and yet I still feel pretty good about myself. 
Why focus on the negative...know what I mean?  I think I'm a good person...at least I try to be.  I'm a good neighbor, I try to help others when I can and I do volunteer work (fostering dogs).  I'm told I should do more for myself.  Do more to overcome my agoraphobia.  I admit I don't do all I can to get better.  I don't push myself enough.  Yeah, it's hard but that's not the reason.  I just get lazy and with the grand excuse of "it'll give me a panic attack" I free to sit at home and pity myself. 
I don't get depressed...actually, for the most part a pretty happy person.  So, the hell with the resolutions that are bullshit.  I will make a honest effort to go out more.  I really quite like it when I do.  Will I make that my "resolution"....hell no!  I'll do my best to go out because I enjoy the end result.
Happy New Year.  Why not?

What Keeps You Busy?

So, what keeps an agoraphobic busy when they're completely housebound?  There are a lot of things one can do besides sitting on the couch watching TV (although I did go through that phase myself).  Of course you must make attempts to go outside...therapy in all.  But, what I'm talking about is filling the rest of your day as a whole.  You have the norms...cooking, cleaning, laundry and the such.  Perhaps you have a hobby or two to fill in those gaps when there's nothing much else to do.  Me...I got hobbies...I got a lot of hobbies!  I love to make wooden lawn and garden decorations.  I also play games on my computer but I limit my time because I can easily become one of those hermits with empty food containers, overflowing ashtrays, empty soda cans and assorted candy wrappers completely burying me and my computer. 

I have three dogs which are the love of my life, so they take up part of my day between taking them out for walks, feeding them and grooming them.  In addition to my lovely little critters, I took on the responsibility of fostering 4 (yes FOUR) rat terrier mix puppies.  Feed them, walk them, socialize them, bathe them, housebreak them and just give them all the love and attention they need.  UGH!!!! 

Perhaps I've bitten off more then I can chew!!  Perhaps?  UGH!!!!  O.K. I've got that out of my system (for now).  These puppies need good, loving homes and I will tend to the needs of these puppies until they have homes of their own.  That being said, this morning I wake up to....well how do I explain it...woke up to...oh hell I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.  You know a picture is worth a 1000 words!  HOWEVER, I don't want to discourage anyone from fostering animals until they have good homes.  It is very rewarding and knowing you've saved the life of a critter is payment enough.  I highly recommend fostering an animal for agoraphobics, as it helps you as much as the animal.  Please consider this as it is also very therapeutic.

Now for my pics (go ahead have your laughs):

SNOW? OH NO!!!!

I moved from the north to the south because I really hate the cold.  I really don't like the snow (although my dogs LOVE IT!!).  Yeah....I know it's pretty to see all the trees and ground covered in snow and the big deal about the whole "White Christmas" idea.  However, I'm old enough to have my fair share of the white Christmas and sleigh rides. 

I've also done more then my fair share of shoveling the fluffy white stuff.  It was great when I was a kid to earn a few bucks shoveling snow for the neighbors who didn't have their own kids to do it.  Then of course as I got older shoveling got put off until I got home from work.  Old enough to drive and go to work but still young enough to throw a snowball at a neighbor who was clearing the snow off their own car.  I still appreicated the beauty of snow and as a mother I loved playing in the snow with my daughter doing those traditional things such as building snowmen, sleigh rides and snowball fights.

Then as I my daughter got older and had a job of her own and I'm housebound by this time, snow became a bit of a hassle.  I'd get up early to make sure my daughter's car was cleared of snow as well as the sidewalk and driveway.  At the time my daughter was a head teller at a bank, so she dressed real nice and I didn't want her to get wet clearing snow so she could get to work.  I've always had "blue collar" jobs so my appearance wasn't has important.  Again at that time I wasn't working anymore so I cleared snow for my daughter.  It's what you do for you kids.

After twenty plus years of shoveling and really hating the cold both me and my daughter decided to hell with this and moved to NC.  I have a brother who lives there and while it still gets pretty cold the snow is limited to maybe an inch or so and even then it melts pretty fast.  My first year in NC, saw flurries which didn't stick to the ground and that was about it.  This year, my second year still saw nothing in the line of snow which was fine with me.  The day after Christmas I wake up to a snowfall that would make me feel like I was up north again.  Seven inches of snow!!  What the hell !!!!  The power goes out, cars stuck all in driveways and roads, no county plow trucks, no snow shovels and most folks around here never heard of a snowblower.  The only people who are out driving are those who are not originally from NC and are familiar with driving in these conditions.  Of course there are the lucky few who are use to driving off road in the mud and think driving in the snow is much the same thing as the mud. 

I'm sitting at the dinning room table thinking maybe I should have moved farther south!!!  The area where I live hasn't seen snowfall like this in 20 years.  Alot of people think as long as you got a truck then you can drive through just about anything.  They don't realize that a pickup truck, while it is a truck, is probably "one of" the worst vehicles (next to sports cars) to drive in the snow.  Yeah, those 4X4s get plenty of traction of course stopping is another thing.  The really good thing about this mess is that southerns will stop and help their fellow man.  If your stuck, someone will stop to help you out. 

So, as I pour my second cup of coffee looking out the window, I can only hope that the locals don't blame me for the snow...thinking I brought it with me from the north.  My dogs on the other hand are having the time of their lives.  I have small dogs so 7 inches of snow is almost up to their chins, so they bunny hop through the snow, eat the snow and even roll in it. 

Happy New Year

Holiday Blues? What's That?

OK...I know so many people who get into those terrible moods during the holidays...especially Christmas.  Me...no, I love the holidays!  Halloween being my favorite...I just love giving out candy to the kids and checking out all the cool costumes.  And I'm no scrooge when it comes to the candy I give out.  No...I don't go for the "healthy" treats, kids have all year to eat "healthy" treats so on Halloween they should be allowed to enjoy the finer things in life...CHOCOLATE!!!  Of course I know there are those few (very few) who simply don't like chocolate(?), so I do include gum, hard candies, lollipops and the such but chocolate is number one on my list!!

Now as for Christmas. I know this is a real downer for alot of folks, especially for us agoraphobics who can't go out to shop and money being real tight.  However, I find that family and friends realize the situation and still want to share in the holiday spirit.  So, don't fret about the whole lack of money for gifts.  Do some baking...yes, baking!  Make some easy cupcakes, brownies, or cookies to give as gifts.  For me, giving is by far better then receiving and believe me, family and friends appreciate that you make the best of what you got and everyone loves getting sweet to eat treats.  Well...ok, I know I do!! 

Depression can sometimes get to agoraphobics especially around the holidays, but you have to think of others who understand you cant get out and come to see you.  Don't rain on their parade when they are thoughtful enough to come to you because you can't go to them.  Take advantage of the visit and happy times, then next year you'll have a great memory and maybe even look forward to the holidays. 

Sounds abit corny?  You gotta work with what you got!  I rarely suffer from depression despite my situation and I enjoy the holidays and having friends and family come to see me.  Good times, good food, good memories and after a few glasses of wine...some pretty good laughs as well.  Make sure you got film in the camera (folks still use film cameras don't they?) because there will definitely be some Kodak moments!

So there is my holiday cheer.  Give it shot.

Service Dogs

Ok...here is today's rant!!  Trainers of service dogs really need to consider a program to train dogs to aid people with panic attacks/agoraphobia.  As I've already stressed in my first post how much my dog has helped me get out of the house, this could be truly helpful to others who suffer from panic attacks/agoraphobia and quite possibly other mental health problems as well.

Perhaps there are a few trainers out there that already do this type of service dog training, however I've been unsuccessful in finding them.  I will continue my hunt for such trainers and will post their info once I find them. 

My dog, while not an official "service dog" has help me just by being with me when I go out.  Whether his presences gives my some kind of mental strength or just a distraction from my anxiety, I am able to travel much further from my home when he is with me.  Perhaps there is service dogs that are more like "companion pets" that aid people with their disabilities.  I'll try a search for "companion pets" and see if I have more success.

Now....businesses large and small, must be made aware of the laws regarding service dogs.  Most people have an idea of service dogs being for the blind only.  They need to be aware that these dogs also help people who suffer other types of illnesses.  Such as: diabetes, epilepsy and/or other types of seizures, phobias, cancer and other illnesses not outwardly apparent.  Just because we don't walk with a cane and sunglasses or are not in a wheelchair doesn't mean we don't suffer from a disability.  Also, not all service dogs are the traditional Labradors commonly used as seeing eye dogs.  Service dogs can and do come in all shapes and sizes and service their owners with just as much aid as any other type of service dog. 

County health dept. officials should make a point of reminding businesses of the laws regarding service dogs.  I can tell from personal experiences that being approached by a store clerk/employee who is not educated on the laws regarding service dogs is a nightmare.  Being singled out and questioned in front of a store full of customers is an embarrassment that we shouldn't have to endure.  They must know that they are NOT allowed to ask what the nature of our disability is and we do NOT need to show any kind of paper work or license designating our dog as a service dog. 

Now to address the cost involved with getting a service dog.  This is a huge cost...as much as $2000!!!  People who are disabled, collecting social security disability simply cannot afford such an expense.  I know I can't.  While there are many who so generously volunteer their time to train a service dog, there are still many costs involved.  While many big pet food companies already donate monies to rescue animals perhaps some might be used in not only the rescue but to train these dogs to help the disabled.  There are many unwanted animals in shelters right now and these dogs can help so many people with an array of disabilities.  I understand that some breeds are better suited for certain types of disabilities, but still even a kitty for a senior citizen who lives alone could do so much for them. 

OK...I've ranted alot today so I'll step off my soap box and do some research into service dogs (or companion dogs) for the mentally ill. 

My Service Dog-Pippit

So this is my "service dog" who just had a bath and blow dry.  He's having a bit of a bad hair day.

This Is My Agoraphobia

So, my agoraphobia started about 18 years ago.  Yup...pretty much housebound for all this time and yes, it sux!  Started getting panic attacks when I was 13...drs called it "growing pains"...assholes!  Four years later there was a name for what I had...panic attacks.  Doctors gave me alot of drugs (tranqs.) like xanax, ativan and the such.  So I was really tired all the time but didn't improve my attacks.  By the time I was 16 I had to drop out of high school.  I was just too scared to go to school....the beginning of my "avoidance behavior".  As I got older, I started avoiding more and more places, places where I had a panic attack.  By the time I was in my late 30s I had run out of places to avoid.  Despite the many different doctors, shrinks and meds, I still was unable to overcome my fear of another panic attack. 

I got so bad that I was even afraid to sleep in my own bedroom, wouldn't go 10 yards to my mailbox and only bathed twice a week.  Tough life seeing how I was a single parent.  I was fortunate to have my mother who lived not far from me to help with my daughter's needs and my own as well, such as grocery shopping and any other chore that needed to be done outside the home. 

Today, I take effexor (150 mg) which has let me get out alittle...still won't venture more then about 3 miles from my home, but that's a big improvement from where I was 18 years ago.  I must say that it took the meds a good 3 months before I noticed a change in how I felt when I tried to go outside.  In addition to the meds, my daughter got me a dog.  This dog has made a HUGE difference in my ability to go out.

I am a animal lover and I bonded with this dog and put his needs before my own.  He needed to go for walks, to socialize with people, places and other animals.  So, I slowly took him out for walks in the yard and went alittle further everyday.  I can't stress enough how much this has helped me!!  Me and my dog are bound together inside and outside the house.  More service dog trainers need to look into the tremendous benefit a service dog would be to an agoraphobic.  I'll rant another day about the dire need of service dogs for agoraphobics.

I will close this post with my current standing....I'm 44 years old, I live with my 23 year old daughter, on a good day I can go as far as 10 miles from my home, I'm still on meds and depend greatly on my dog.